Literally, no biography (you know that), no need to tell you the history of the cinnamon roll (who cares), just the goods and no gatekeeping.
GRAB WHAT YOU NEED
The Tangzhong
Don’t know what it is, what it does, all I know is it works and it’s a fucking blast to say.1 cup milk (2% or whole, don’t start with that non-fat shit)
½ cup bread flour
The Dough
½ cups buttermilk, cold
2 tsp vanilla – or use those flavourful pod beans!
5 cups bread flour, additional for rolling
1 tsp salt
¼ cup sugar
2 packs of instant yeast
¾ cup salted butter, cold and cut into cubes
The Filling
¾ cup salted butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
Cinnamon, measure with your heart
The Assembly
½ cup salted butter, softened
1/4 cup brown sugar
2/3 cup whipping cream
The Buttercream
8 oz. (or a block) of cream cheese – full fat, baby!
1 cup salted butter
3 cups powdered sugar
6 tbsp whipping cream
2 tsp vanilla extract
½ tsp salt
LET’S BAKE IT UP, BUTTERCUP!
A mixer filled with a dough hook will work best but if that is not in your 101 countertop appliances – a metal bowl and some upper body strength will do!
The Tangzhong
Over medium heat, whisk milk and flour.
Continue cooking and whisking until it forms a thick paste.
Immediately transfer to your mixing bowl.
The Dough
With the mixer (if using) on low, slowly add in your buttermilk and vanilla.
Add the bread flour, salt, sugar, yeast. All at once. Literally toss it in. Mixer still on low.
One cube at a time, patience is a virtue, add in your cold butter.
Continue mixing on low for about 10 minutes. If you are doing this by hand, continue until your shoulder feels like it’s melting.
Shape the dough into a smooth ball and place her back into the bowl.
Cover the bowl and let her rest – she’s tired. Preferably for 90 minutes but 60 minutes will do if you’re fucking impatient.
The Filling
Once she’s gotten her beauty sleep, gently roll her over onto a lightly floured surface.
Roll her into a square or rectangle – this doesn’t really matter as long as it’s not a circle, or a triangle.
Using your spatula or the best tools God gave you, your hands, spread the softened butter into every corner of that dough.
Sprinkle on your brown sugar and however much cinnamon your heart desires.
NOW LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
The Assembly
Grab a massive fucking round pan. 13” works best.
Cover the base and sides with butter. EVERYWHERE.
Sprinkle on the brown sugar.
Back to the dough, cut 2” thick strips. The shorter the strip the easier it will be to transfer but the longer, the better it will look. Pick your battle. Just ensure they are all 2” thick or else it will look sketchy as f—.
Roll one of the strips into a beautiful cinnamon roll and place her in the centre of the pan — NOW THE FUN BEGINS.
Strip by strip, add to the cinnamon roll, wrapping around and pinching the ends together. Pro tip: use cold butter as “glue” to hold the precious strip to the next one.
Once they are all hugged together, cover her (again..) and let her rest for 60 minutes.
Don’t roll your eyes at me.
If you want your house to smell like a fucking piece of heaven tomorrow morning, you can pop these in the fridge overnight and continue tomorrow. Although, if you don’t have patience, just 60 more minutes is all I ask of you.
Bake ‘em Up,, Buttercups!
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
Pour the whipping cream over the cinnamon rolls and make sure to really get the outside ring!
Cook for 30-40 minutes, depending on your oven. You are welcome to open the oven once, only once, and sniff the magic happening in there.
The Buttercream
Add cream cheese and butter to a mixer bowl with a paddle attachment. Again, welcome to do this by hand if your shoulders are still intact.
Mix on medium speed until everyone are friends and fluffy.
Add in the powdered sugar and please, with all that’s holy in the world, mix on low just until combined.
Now, clean the paddle attachment, lick the spatula if you want, and add the whisk attachment.
On high, slowly add in the whipping cream and vanilla extract.
Whip it real good for 5(ish!) minutes.
Okay you’ve waited long enough and your arm is practically falling off. As soon as she is out of the oven, literally dive right in.I prefer to scoop out some cinnamon roll and dollop a little buttercream but really, at this point I’m done telling you what to do.